This week at our house

Payman is back at work today, he’d been home for a week.  Why it is that when he is home I actually accomplish less– blog less, do less laundry, ignore my to do list– I have yet to figure out.  Sometimes it really is just up to the fact that the baby still might be clingy whether or not he is home, but sometimes I think he is home so we just fill up our time going out as a family or doing something all together. 

For some reason, if he is in the living room with the two kids, I tend to stay in there instead of doing a chore.  I think I figure that he is home, so I’ll have time to get it done.  (But I never do!).  Whereas when he’s at work, I approach my day like a working day and start getting stuff done right off the bat.

Either way, Christmas is  come and gone and it was nice to have him home.  We made it up to Greensboro and back to my grandparents home with no major tears in the carseat from the baby, which is awesome.

I waited until after that car trip to trial in a few foods for Ada.  She’s been doing great for December, which I thought was due to me avoiding traces of corn like citric acid and xantham gum.  But I’d also cut out orange and sweet potato, just to see.

I gave her orange saturday morning.  She had a rash that night, didn’t sleep too well, and her digestive symptoms that y’all don’t want to read about the next day.

I should test again to be sure to make sure it wasn’t cross contamination or something from eating Christmas dinner at someone else’s house, but I don’t really have the desire.  I’d rather introduce something else and broaden my horizons than give her something I feel 80 percent chance she will react.  Kid’s been reacting her whole life.

I guess you could say we had a productive holiday– this was a good thing for me to find out.

Ada got several jackets (much needed) to wear over her many Azita-stained hand-me-down clothes.  We got a set of duplo blocks from my sister that the kids played with for a long time yesterday.

I gave Azita and her cousin both an Indonesian barbie… she was just too pretty to pass up, and Azita needs a barbie that isn’t blond.  She only has a few anyway.

Azita also got, from my mom, a video game thing where she has to run and jump and be active, and she’s loving that too.

We celebrate Christmas within our extended family especially, but also amongst ourselves.  It is an American holiday.  Baha’is believe in Jesus Christ too, so I don’t feel that its not a part of my holidays.   There is a bigger one for us coming up as Baha’is though, when we will give gifts in February and March.  These are the holidays that are more spiritually significant to me, and the ones I will play the meaning up for Azita and Ada.  But Christmas is too much fun to just not get caught up in too, for us.  Any excuse to give gifts we seem to get pulled in to, no matter how much we tell each other that we should all save our money and just get together for dinner or something.

Here are some other Baha’is thoughts on participating in the Holy Days and holidays of other religions.

Happy Birthday Ada!

On this day last year I was curled up on my side in our car, breathing slowly and ready to be at the Women’s Birth and Wellness Center in Chapel Hill.

We arrived sometime after11 and Ada was born just minutes to noon. 

It’s hard to believe she is one year old, but that’s the sentiment of every parent.  We’ve seen her weigh 7 pounds, 2 ounces.  We’ve seen her determinedly push her knees up under herself and develop her tiny little stomach  muscles to begin learning to crawl at four months old.

We’ve seen her pull up on chairs at 6 months old and walk three steps sometime around 10 months.  Now she doesn’t crawl at all, no hesitent steps left, no more dropping to her knees after a few steps in order to get there faster.

This child has taught me more than I could have ever imagine, and any of you that know me personally, know that has a lot to do with teaching me about foods and health and our commercialized food systems.  Azita turned our world upside down and taught me so much about my self as a mother.  When Ada came, that part came naturally and nature had a whole different lesson plan set out for us.

It’s hard to believe that at one point she didn’t exist.  It’s hard to believe we used to live in an apartment and have no kids.  That’s what Payman said when I asked him what he thought about Ada being a year old.

I really think we get the kids God sets out for us to have.  My growth as a person, and Ada’s, isn’t an accident.  We thought we were health nuts before and didn’t eat at restaurants or buy packaged foods, but we were kidding ourselves compared to now.  Last night we were done grocery shopping and it would have been so nice to grab some food and not come home and cook.

But Ada has shown me that health is so much more important.  I’ve learned to cook simply, quickly, completely homemade, with love and with the feeling that I’m nourishing her body for a long time to come.  I’m in danger of becoming a radical here, but I can’t help it.  Ada is allergic to some things that are healthy for you, avocados and strawberries.  But that’s not what I’m a radical about now.

Obviously, it’s gluten and dairy and corn.  It’s so funny to me now, looking back to when she was 2 months old and I skeptically decided to give up dairy to see if she’d nap longer and cry less, and I thought that without gluten and dairy I’d have nothing to eat.

Well here’s the news flash… I have nothing to eat on a Standard American Diet… which we think is so full of variety and that we eat better than most people in the world, but the truth is it’s just a variation on the theme of meat and gluten and dairy and is so utterly uncreative.  French fries and a burger.  Steak and potatoes.  Chicken and rice.  Honestly, I love those things, but they aren’t creative or fresh or inspiring or colorful or energy boosting like the food I eat now it.

And my little Ada showed me all that.  Our kids are going to be amazingly healthier than we are, I hope.  And I care so much about health because I think that energy and life are important to be a productive human addition to this planet, a happy and peaceful, spiritually-minded soul.  If my body is exhausted, what time does my soul have to make the world a cheerier, more fair place?

I guess we just see so many of our family members and friends that are coping with diseases caused by food– and wouldn’t they be so much happier and more energetic and doing things that make their spirits feel fulfilled if they weren’t consuming things that drain energy? 

So happy birthday Ada!  You woke me up ten times last night because you have a cold.  I’m a little tired.  But it’s your birthday and all the gifts of your life have been to us.  Despite any tiredness from the ins and outs of taking care of a baby, you give me vitality and life.

Playing in the cold

Yesterday, I rummaged through our sock drawers for hats and scarves and pulled out ridiculously puffy jackets for the girls.

I said I was going to take the Waldorf philosphy of “There is no innappropriate weather, just innapropriate clothing” to heart this winter, and it was time to get ready for Azita’s Waldorf-inspired Friday morning class/get together with the lady that runs the children’s garden.

We’d been talking about it on Tuesday and she emphasized that if I wore more of a jacket and a hat, I probably wouldn’t mind  cold weather so much, and she’s probably right.

So I had us all suited up and ready to go.  As we drove, the sleet starting falling, not much, but still, it’s like the heavens were testing my dedication to us getting fresh, non-indoor polluted air, this winter.

We were outside from 10 a.m. to about 12:30.  It was great. It was refreshing.  The kids loved it.

We took a short nature walk.  Azita loved a little fall we saw at Clark Park, and the kids threw leaves in on one side of a bridge and then ran to the other side to watch them float by.  Like Pooh Sticks, if anyone remembers that.

My favorite part was when they played trolls and billy goats on this big, old timey looking, covered bridge.   There was one kid (a goat) that a troll (her mother) hadn’t gotten when we were ready to move on down the trail.  The mother called to her on the other side of the bridge and expected she would follow us all, and she probably would have.

But Azita is sticking up for the forgotten and oppressed already, thank goodness.

She ran back across the bridge, seriously crying, and said, “That momma’s leaving her baby!!”

She then took her hand and led her back across the bridg and held her hand for the rest of the trail.

A little cold weather didn’t hurt us.  It was a good thing.

Ada was very ready to get home.  She was asleep in about 3 minutes after I put her in the car seat.  She wasn’t too cold though, I wish I’d taken pictures of that puffy jacket that probably weighs what she does.

She kept trying to walk in it and tipping over and falling with her little legs sticking in the air.  So cute.  I’ll have to find a trimmer jacket for her.  I think she still enjoyed herself though.

Oh. My. So. Good. Chocolate cake (Vegan, gluten, dairy, egg, corn, cane sugar, legume free)

I’m not a great cook.  I’ve improved a lot since having kids, and even more recently, since needing to make everything from scratch and learn a little more about the chemistry and science of cooking and baking (in order to replace gluten and eggs and all that good stuff in recipes).

So sometimes the best things I’ve made seem to come from those little stolen moments of inspiration while the baby is happy with Payman and I’ve gotten dinner cleaned up quickly.

Last night was such a night.  And Oh. My. God. Good.

For Payman’s 30th a week ago I made him a nice gluten and dairy free chocolate cake, but it still had chickpea flour and cornstarch and eggs and things me and Ada don’t eat right now, but I wanted it to come out right, so I didn’t want to make it with all of our restrictions.

Ever since then I’ve been thinking about finding the time to make a little chocolate cake.  And it came out so amazingly well.

Some people swear to me that if you don’t bake with eggs and milk and butter, and much less gluten, things will turn out wrong.  And thank God they are mistaken!

I made a mini-little chocolate cake.

No gluten, dairy, egg, corn, cane sugar, legume.  Vegan.

Mix the dry:

1.5 cups teff flour

pinch salt and pumpking pie spice

1/2 tsp baking soda (You could use baking powder, but you have to get a special corn free one that I didn’t bother to use this time)

2 or 3 tablespoons raw cacoa powder.. honestly I didn’t measure, but I think that was about it.

Then, cream 1/4 cup maple syrup and 1/2 cup spectrum shortening, or other vegan butter.  (or butter if dairy isn’t what you are avoiding!)

Add 2 eggs worth of flax goo egg replacer.

(Flax goo is 1 tablespoon of flax meal mixed with 3 tablespoons hot water for each egg, gets an eggy consistency when baked with).

Mix it all up, pour in the pan!  Bake at 350 for 55 minutes.

It rose beautifully and tasted awesome.  I hope its repeatable for you all out there and me as well!

For icing, I creamed spectrum shortening with maple syrup (use honey if you aren’t a strict vegan).  Added a dash of lime juice, which makes it taste a little like cream cheese frosting and a tiny, tiny pinch of salt.

Oh. So. Good.  I’m in love, once again.

You know, I was never big on chocolate before eliminating other foods, now I adore it.

Weather, budgets, mood swings and shopping

This morning we went to the children’s garden that I’ve blogged about and done an article on.  I’m glad it was open today.

Yesterday was one of those days where Ada got woken up from her nap early.  She was kind of cranky yet ready to play yet ready to sleep.

Then Azita was ready to nap or at least have quiet time and Ada’s jumping up and down on the bedrail.

Then Azita’s bouncing all over the place and riling up Ada, and then Ada is overtired and ready to nurse and nap again.

Then Azita runs in because the show I put on to distract her while I put Ada to sleep is over, and Ada is up again.

So finally, at 3:30 or so, I throw in the towel and decide to take them to run an errand.

But when things get like that, and I am frustrated because Ada is too wired to sleep and too tired to let me accomplish any housework, I seem to have this drive to go to a store or run an errand.

That was fine and great with Azi, who loved car trips and shopping.  But Ada doesn’t, and she’s also at that age where shopping provides endless things that she wants to grab and put in her mouth.  She doesn’t want to be in her wrap (sad– you all know how much I love babywearing!) but she doesn’t want to be in the cart, either.  And Azita used to love shopping but now always tells me she wants to stay at home.

And the biggest reason this is a bad habit is money.  My decision to stay home with the kids means that me and Payman sometimes have a hard time fitting everything into our budget.  It’s a sacrifice I willingly and happily make, but I just can’t run out to the store and buy a new cute thing for the house or treat at the healthfood store, or cute little boots for the baby or new markers for Azita or new shoes, or whatever it may be everytime the baby gets woken up from a nap and I’m tired of being at home.

I think a lot of people, myself included, get a little high from going to Target and buying something cute for the kids and maybe themselves.  But its not a good habit for me.  Why this draw to go buy things when I’m in a bad mood?  Materialism?  Boredom?

Well, I think materialism, as a means to try to make yourself happy, leads to boredom but that’s probably a different story.

Also, what effect does it have on the kids? I feel in a better mood but they are just as tired and cranky.  Sometimes, they fall asleep on the way home and it ends up okay, but often not.  We are all more frustrated.

So that is why I was glad it was Tuesday, the day the garden is open.

I’m getting better at finding positive outlets for us getting out of the house than shopping and spending money.  Children’s garden is one of them– and when we leave the house because Azita is the tantrumy one, it has infinitely better effects on her mood and well-being, being out in nature, than shopping does.

But also I’ve tried to take them outside  in our own yard more. 

And I’ve rediscovered the library, good on colder or rainier days.  Azita loves going there, just to get books or for the various scheduled activities.

Cathy, who runs the garden, told me the Waldorf philosophy is “There is no innapropriate weather just innappropriate clothing.”

I’ve always been a chicken when it comes to cold weather so this winter I’m going to work on that.  The kids don’t mind the cold if it means they get to plat in the nice healthy air.  We have so much to learn from our kids.

The light at the end of the creative food allergy tunnel

These chocolate raw pumpkin cookies make an awesome breakfast.

It’s funny how breakfast is the meal I’ve had to change up the most since first eliminating dairy to help Ada’s colicky behavior nearly 10 monthes ago, when she was 2 months old.  I had to switch to vegan smart balance from smart balance or butter.  The when soy and eggs went, I had to switch to soy-free smart balance.

Then when gluten went, I started getting gluten free toast instead of these awesome sprouted grain ezekial english muffins that I’d eaten with butter/smart balance and strawberry jelly for months and months.  I ate that ALOT during Ada’s pregnancy.

I’m a creature of habit when it comes to breakfast– I find something I like and I eat it for a good long while, even down to whether or not I’m drinking green tea, black tea, or juice or just water.

So then the gluten free toast got booted because she seemed to have troubles with trace gluten.  Now I know it was likely the xanthum gum, derived from corn, in the bread.

Ada is doing well.  Not rashy or bumpy for several weeks now.  And it really seems that getting strict with the corn was the  big difference for us.  Of course, there is corn in everything… even cheap table salt.  It’s kindof ridiculous.  So her big main trigger is the one that definitely keeps me eating only at home!

But… there is one thing to test back in first.  After everything else I liked for breakfast was suspect, I switched to eating a sweet potato and green smoothie.  I’m gonna blog about green smoothies one day.  I live by ‘em.

But I read about Food Protein Induced Enterocolitis Syndrome or FPIES, and many of the main triggers for protein intolerance affect her.  It included sweet potato so I cut it out about two weeks ago.  And she’s doing great.  I hope it’s a coincidence!  I honestly think it is, but you never truly know until you cut it out for several weeks and reintroduce.  I think a lot of people who wonder if their excema, headaches, psoriasisor what have you are caused by a food allergy get caught there.

You have to be off of the food– all of it, no cheating, for several weeks to tell.

It wasn’t as hard to stop eating my morning, warm and buttery, sweet potato as I thought.  I mean, after all, it’s just a food and a few weeks, and soon I’ll probably be eating it again.

So I’ve been making breakfast bars with chocolate and teff, raw chocolate cookies, green smoothies and muffins for breakfast to make up for it.

I guess I’m optimistic about eliminating foods anyway because I feel like I’ve almost got her stuff figured out, after almost a year.  And I know that a new allergy could develop at any time, but now that she’s almost a year, I just think it will be easier.

I can test more foods through her directly.  I’d heard this was better, but now I know first hand why.  She ate a breadcrumb off the floor at Thanksgiving… one day of symptoms and it passed through and she was done.  If I’d eaten that breadcrumb she would have been sick (tummy aches and rash and other things) for a week at least.

There is some relationship between the nursing mom and baby and this food allergy stuff that makes me wonder if my own antibodies and reactions don’t cause her reactions to last longer, or atleast, the proteins are in my blood and that’s where milk is made (from the blood) and so anyway, long story short, bittersweet though it is, I’m glad she’s almost a year!

I’m both excited and nervous to start testing in foods now that she’s doing well, but more excited since my little epiphany about feeding things to her directly.

Oh, I also had banana pear ice cream for breakfast with those cookies.  And nothing but natural fats and sugars.  Getting creative can really be good for you.

Azita is no doormat

Azita is a fiery little thing.  I’ve found that, in getting through the 2nd and 3rd year, getting worked up or annoyed or upset when your child isn’t acting the way you want doesn’t help you out much. 

Today at a La Leche League meeting, Azita was being her headstrong, dominant little self.  A little boy had run in to her a few times on a little car and dropped a ball on her, but it really seemed accidental and/or not with ill intentions.  So then they both went for the same thing and she pushed him down.  Pretty forcefully,too.  He hit his head on a crawl-through type of  toy but didn’t seem terribly upset.  This boy is as tall as her and not nearly as skinny.

I also remember her first playground fight.  A girl her size pushed her several times, but the other mother was pretty good about talking to her.  When she came back to keep playing, Azita seemed to decide that three times was enough and she wasn’t taking it anymore.  When the girl got close to her, Azi stared her down and clapped her hand and fist  together, the way an adult might do if they were seriously going to fight.  The little girl whined each time Azita did it, and Azita seemed very encouraged by this and kept on.

The girl ran behind her mom’s legs, and her mom said, “Well, you shouldn’t have pushed her.”

It’s ridiculously nice when other parents take respondibility for their kids behavior.  I always try to.

So, today, in the current situation, I told Azita that this was not how we treated other kids.  What he did were accidents but she purposely tried to hurt him, and we were leaving.  She stood and cried loudly while I cleaned up our food (it was a potluck) and tried to clean a few toys up in the playroom.  Ada was passed out on my shoulder and I didn’t have her in the wrap, so it wasn’t the easiest thing. 

I just told Azita that crying and yelling wouldn’t make us stay, and that she could have chosen to offer to apologize to the little boy and asked nicely to stay.  She calmed herself down and willingly walked to the car and told me she was tired.  She’s asleep right now.

I might have gotten embarassed by her behavior or gotten angry with her on another day, or when I had less experiance as  a mother.

But instead, I told the little boy’s mom what happened, who wasn’t too worried, calmly told Azita why we were leaving, left, and talked more about it in the car.  She was able to verbalize that she was mad at him for wanting the same toy.

Some days, as a parent, I handle things great.  Some days I don’t.  But then again, Azita is the same way.  So many days she makes awesome choices.  Sometimes she doesn’t.

When Ada was playing with a little girl, who is 4, Azita told me she needed to stay with her to “keep her baby safe”.  Oh, so cute.  She really looks out for her baby sister.

I’m glad Azita has some spunk I never did.  I never defended myself.  I let every kid hurt my feelings.  We just have to channel that confidance in all the good ways.

My ‘light’ Thanksgiving meal

I think this might have been my best Thanksgiving meal yet.  It beats the one in which I got sick in the car on my shoes because I was pregnant with Azita– but then, that wasn’t the Thanksgiving food’s fault so much as Azi’s.

But I was determined to plan the meal well and have everything I’d normally want with no corn, gluten, dairy, eggs and etc.   And I did.  And the food was awesome.  Of course, a lot of that is thanks to Payman, who does the cooking.  It’s really quite freeing, realizing that a big family feast does not have to at all have loads of butter and milk or anything that we think is so necessary and it is still comforting and traditional and yummy.

Actually, I didn’t have the post-Thanksgiving Day tiredness.  I felt full and like I ate a lot, but just as energetic as a normal day and almost like the feel was a ‘light’ meal, for lack of a better word.

We had it at our house, which we’ve done several times, but this time Payman’s parents live in town, my grandparents and aunt and uncle came from Greensboro, and my dad and sisters and mom were of course there.  I didn’t want at all to impose a bunch of food issues on them, and honestly, even when people try hard its better I eat what I know me or Payman made.  So my mother-in-law, who loves to entertain and is good at it, brought lots of food for everyone else.  We told her what we were making and made plenty of it, but she still brought an entire feast and no one even had to try my food. 

That’s kind of a shame because maybe they’d realize too how good ours was!  But then I had leftovers that were safe so its okay.

Her mashed potatoes had cream, butter and buttermilk.  I heard they were good and I’m not disbuting that.  But mine had homemade rice milk and Spectrum Palm Shortening, and they were awesome…. creamy, buttery.  I think the Spectrum is the trick.  I used it in the mashed sweet potatoes and I ate mostly that the whole meal.  Sooo good.

I also used that in my gluten/dairy free vegan apple cranberry crumble.  I used teff flour, organic sugar, palm sugar and crushed pumpkin seeds (trying to kind of get the crunchy mouth feel of oats) for the topping.

I got several compliments on that.  We made bread earlier in the week with potato and rice flour, and Payman made me some delicious stuffing with that.  He made some for him with Food for Life gluten free bread, but with eggs, so I didn’t try it but he said it was great.

We had 17 people at our house.  That sounded like a lot more than it felt like.  Luckily we had three extra tables and lots of chairs from my dad’s office or it would have been standing room only!

But I was so happy with the outcome.  Me and Payman are the kind of people that seem to be able to get a lot accomplished when we have a deadline and people coming over.  There had been a lot of back and forth between us having Thanksgiving at our house or my in-laws, who have more room, two dining tables (a formal and eat-in kitchen)  and a house that is newer by at least 40 years. 

But in the end,we knew we wanted to have it here and we knew we’d finish up a lot of little projects.  I repainted the dining room over a month ago and still had my books in boxes and another coat to finish the repainting of the book shelves.

Payman needed to put molding on the extra bathroom where he had just replaced the toilet and flooring, and the yard needed ridiculous amounts of love.

Which it got (thanks dad!  The yard is so relaxing now!).

I’ll take pics of the new dining room when Ada gets up.

Despite all the good and my best efforts, Ada still reacted to something.  She may have eaten a bread crumb off the floor eventhough we vaccuumed every time we saw one, or it could have been because I made gluten-free cupcakes for Azita and tried one (the mix used xanthum gum, probably derived on corn).

But it wasn’t the worst reaction, and she seems close to getting over it.  So all in all, a successful allergy-free Thanksgiving!

Playing in the dirt

It’s Tuesday– we’ve got a lot to do before Thanksgiving, but hopefully we’ll squeeze in time to get the Loblolly Garden, I call it the children’s garden, at Clark Park off of Ramsey Street.  I heard about it at the beginning of summer by a lady at the Farmer’s Market who runs and started it.

It has had such a great effect on Azita.  It is a completely safe place.  She isn’t constantly being told “No, get down from there.  No, that’s not a toy.  No!  Azita I said to stop climbing on the window sill!”

She can climb and hop and jump and water plants and dig in dirt and Ada loves it too, though I have to keep an eye she doesn’t eat dirt and all.

But Cathy, who started it, has done an awesome thing for Fayetteville’s kids.  If Azita is having a bad day and we need to get out of the house, (or I’m the cranky one, whoever!), going to the store or a playdate might just magnify it.  But taking her to this nature park helps.  It calms her down and makes us both feel better.

I mean, really, even a self-proclaimed naturalist and all that I am, before we went here every Tuesday, when was the last time I went outside that wasn’t in my yard?  So its been also good for me.  Just the short walk through the woods from the parking lot relaxes me and lets me look at leaves on the ground and things in the trees.  It’s amazing the things Azita sees and notices that I walk right by.

Cathy is training in Waldorf Education (I wish we had a school here after watching her).  When a kid wants something Azita has, and Azi says “No!” and pulls her hand back, Cathy asks Azita to find a similar block or something else to give the other kid.  These little things make a big difference.  If we were at a playroom or something I’d tell her she has to share and all, but giving the kids a constructive way to handle the conflict is so much better.

There must be something to this Waldorf and also the positive effects of keeping kids (adults, too) outside because I’ve certainly never seen 6 kids aged 2-5 sit and wait patiently while the instructor tells a story before painting.  They sit like little angels watching Cathy demonstrate her painting first.

Here’s an article I wrote on it, published in the Saturday Extra this past week:

Playing in the Dirt

Raising a Spirited Child Naturally

Just wanted to attach a link here to another mom who blogs about her kid with multiple food issues and a post she made about trying to find a solution with a new doctor.  I find it interesting because it is another one of those moms who sees the behavioral aspect of food reactions in the body.  Many moms find that their child’s ADD/ADHD or other undesirable behaviors resolve when the offending foods are taken out of their diet.

And it makes sense, from an adult standpoint, I think.  When I eat eggs I end up with a terrible headache, and I’m irritable.  I don’t know if the irritability is a symptom by itself, or if I’m irritable beacuse I feel terrible.  Another mom I know, since being gluten free for her kids, says that her PMS really wasn’t PMS at all— she doesn’t experiance it anymore, on a gluten free diet.

Raising a Spirited Child Naturally