Azita is a fiery little thing. I’ve found that, in getting through the 2nd and 3rd year, getting worked up or annoyed or upset when your child isn’t acting the way you want doesn’t help you out much.
Today at a La Leche League meeting, Azita was being her headstrong, dominant little self. A little boy had run in to her a few times on a little car and dropped a ball on her, but it really seemed accidental and/or not with ill intentions. So then they both went for the same thing and she pushed him down. Pretty forcefully,too. He hit his head on a crawl-through type of toy but didn’t seem terribly upset. This boy is as tall as her and not nearly as skinny.
I also remember her first playground fight. A girl her size pushed her several times, but the other mother was pretty good about talking to her. When she came back to keep playing, Azita seemed to decide that three times was enough and she wasn’t taking it anymore. When the girl got close to her, Azi stared her down and clapped her hand and fist together, the way an adult might do if they were seriously going to fight. The little girl whined each time Azita did it, and Azita seemed very encouraged by this and kept on.
The girl ran behind her mom’s legs, and her mom said, “Well, you shouldn’t have pushed her.”
It’s ridiculously nice when other parents take respondibility for their kids behavior. I always try to.
So, today, in the current situation, I told Azita that this was not how we treated other kids. What he did were accidents but she purposely tried to hurt him, and we were leaving. She stood and cried loudly while I cleaned up our food (it was a potluck) and tried to clean a few toys up in the playroom. Ada was passed out on my shoulder and I didn’t have her in the wrap, so it wasn’t the easiest thing.
I just told Azita that crying and yelling wouldn’t make us stay, and that she could have chosen to offer to apologize to the little boy and asked nicely to stay. She calmed herself down and willingly walked to the car and told me she was tired. She’s asleep right now.
I might have gotten embarassed by her behavior or gotten angry with her on another day, or when I had less experiance as a mother.
But instead, I told the little boy’s mom what happened, who wasn’t too worried, calmly told Azita why we were leaving, left, and talked more about it in the car. She was able to verbalize that she was mad at him for wanting the same toy.
Some days, as a parent, I handle things great. Some days I don’t. But then again, Azita is the same way. So many days she makes awesome choices. Sometimes she doesn’t.
When Ada was playing with a little girl, who is 4, Azita told me she needed to stay with her to “keep her baby safe”. Oh, so cute. She really looks out for her baby sister.
I’m glad Azita has some spunk I never did. I never defended myself. I let every kid hurt my feelings. We just have to channel that confidance in all the good ways.