When I became pregnant with Azita, I hadn’t given much thought to being a parent. Me and Payman had said if we have a kid, great, if we don’t, great. We were happy enough together and fulfilled in what we did in life that I didn’t have that drive, that pull towards having a baby.
I worked during the day, went to school– FTCC and then UNCP– some during the day, at night and online and I held Baha’i Study Circles and devotional gatherings. At the study circles, we went through different books with quotes on different topics. Book 1, for example, is called Reflections on the Life of the Spirit and one of its sections is on the life the soul.
I really felt, and still do, that my purpose in life, and the purpose of human life in general, is to enjoy this life and make good choices.
Enjoy the material things but don’t be attached to them. Recognize that the true life is the life of the soul and make your choices and decisions on how you live and treat people accordingly.
Make the world a better place in the sense that you add to the positive rather than the negative. Life is tough enough as it is, so I feel we should be working together, building each other up.
So when I found out I was pregnant I didn’t have that immediate overjoyed feeling. I was far more freaked out and worried about how my life was going to change and how I’d ever have time for all the things I was doing– mainly finishing my degree and Baha’i stuff.
But in reality, I got exactly what I wanted. I was so tired of working and being exhausted and running place to place on time. Being a work at home mom was actually the perfect fit for me.
And before being pregnant, I was completely freaked out at the thought of labor pain and breastfeeding. And then it was like, everything just changed. That mother instinct just began to pour out of me and then when Azita was born it was like a wave.
I’m not saying that your entire life is supposed to revolve our your children or that they must define you, but for me, it should be like that at least for a while.
And at the end of the day when I feel like I haven’t done anything to make it a better place, I really need to remember the importance of what I do as a mother.
I wanted to share these quotes from the Baha’i Writings that were a part of putting into words the emotions I felt when Azita was born, though I don’t know that I’d read them at the time.
“For mothers are the first educators, the first mentors; and truly it is the mothers who determine the happiness, the future greatness, the courteous ways and learning and judgment, the understanding and the faith of their little ones.”
“Let the mothers consider that whatever concerneth the education of children is of the first importance. Let them put forth every effort in this regard, for when the bough is green and tender it will grow in whatever way ye train it. Therefore is it incumbent upon the mothers to rear their little ones even as a gardener tendeth his young plants. Let them by day and by night to establish within their children faith and certitude…”
“As to thy question regarding the education of children: it behooveth thee to nurture them at the breast of the love of God, and urge them onward to the things of the spirit, that they may turn their faces unto God; that their ways may conform to the rules of good conduct and their character be second to none; that they make their own all the graces and praiseworthy qualities of humankind; acquire a sound knowledge of the various branches of learning, so that from the very beginning of life they may become spiritual beings, dwellers in the Kingdom, enamored of the sweet breaths of holiness, and may receive an education religious, spiritual, and of the Heavenly Realm.”