I’ll bet I’m not the only mom that can’t sleep when the house is quiet and everyone else is sleeping. I should get some rest, but Azita and Ada’s sore throat bug finally caught up with me, and I doubt I can go back to sleep if I tried.
Yesterday was La Leche League’s annual baby fair here in Fayetteville. I manned the La Leche League booth, answering questions and handing out flyers about our meetings and then gave a short class on working, pumping and breastfeeding.
We pull together vendors from doulas and chiropractors to cloth diaper sellers and hypnobirthing to Mary Kay and photographers.
Ada was just unstoppable. I actually should have thought about it more and left her at home with Payman and Azita. She is 16 months now and walking and running and pulling my leg and ready to be anywhere but in my arms and on my hip while I talk to people. She wanted to run and run and run around.
Last year I was at the fair for about 2 hours at the raffle table but she was 4 months and still chillin’ out in her wrap on my chest most of the time. Ahh. How babies start so content just to be close to their mother’s hearts is amazing. How one year later she’s such a determinted little individual is amazing too.
She cried and kicked and made so much noise during the working and pumping class I completely lost my train of thought and a fellow LLL Leader took over for me. After nursing of course, she was happy again and I finished it up and answered some questions.
It’s funny that it didn’t even occur to me to leave her at home. I forget that I have that option. And she does great with Payman. I went to work last weekend for an article, and Azita is the one that cried and whined for me, and Ada is perfectly fine. Actually, she doesn’t even want me when Payman is home most of the time.
I’ve just gotten used to my general outlook on mothering in the first two years and I’m happy to have my kids constantly with me– my constant little companions. I believe she’ll be more confidant and close to me as a teenager when we are dealing with the really tough issues for life.
If I’m there to help her when she drops her beloved little lamby (her favorite stuffed toy), hopefully she’ll trust me to be there later on in life. If I take her to the baby fair and let her bounce around ten feet away from me, safely and also under the eyes of her grandpa whose was there as a chiropractor/vendor, and then bounce back to me after she’s explored, hopefully she come back home as a teenager after she’s asserted her independance and life makes her want security— hopefully that home will be where she will come for that.
I can say that she is more secure in me and the fact that I am here than Azita is. I don’t know if its because I regularly left her until just before she turned two to finish up my degree at UNCP, or its just personality. It’s probably safe to say it’s both. My choices impacted them. But that’s also why I let Azita nurse past a year— that helped make up our bonding time and made me, personally, feel better about making my choice to continue my career after having young kids.
Anyway, the fair was good. And today I want to sleep all day and not talk any more! It always explains why your kids have been acting in the fussy way they have when you get the cold yourself and know how they feel.