What is going on with Azita today? I knew it was going to be a beautiful fall day, unseasonably warm, and the last day that Cathy, who runs the children’s garden at Clark Park would be there until January or February. When Ada slept late, until nearly ten, I figured it would be good to plan to stay outside all day.
Azita was spunky today as usual. I try to put myself in her shoes to imagine why things make her so upset sometimes. I just want to ask her, “Why do you let the little things upset you this much?”
“This much” meaning, why are you still crying 45 minutes later that you didn’t like the dress choices for the day.
I gave her two choices that she didn’t think were pretty enough. So I told her she could go and find one herself, but that I was going to get Ada and the picnic food ready to go because I’d given her two perfectly fine options.
She cried that her closet was too high. She cried that the drawer wouldn’t open. Then she cried that there were too many to choose from. Too many? Sheesh, well I can donate some to good will to fix that problem, like I did with her shoes. Two is not enough, the drawer full is too much.
And I’m waiting for the day that she will understand that some people only have one pair of clothes and we are fortunate to have all we do. I know that day might not come for a very very long time. I have high expectations of my kids… and I have to temper that with the understanding that she might be in her twenties, or even never, when she sees the world and materialism the way I do.
Then in the car, her wearing a dress she didn’t want to but I firmly told her we are leaving and Ada is in the car, and she knows then that she has no choice and she has spent all the time she will be given to choose a dress, she begins crying and telling me that she just wants to buy toys when we see them at the store and she can’t always get them. I told her it is fine to want things. It’s okay to want toys and dresses, but she should try not to let attachment to those things be enough to make her so veyr unhappy.
Yeah I know… this lesson takes years.
Azita is a child that really wants things she sees others with, whether it is food, a bracelet, a dress or a toy. She is whimsical and passionate and wants the best things in life and I just hope we can channel that personality into a sense of wanting justice and fairness for all, rather than all for herself.
It doesn’t help that Ada is at the cute, adorable, learning-to-share-and-play stage, because I often run the risk of saying too much to Azita… of wanting to say “Azita, Ada is happy with whatever clothes I give her. Why can’t you stop being difficult.” But I imagine that would lead to antipathy between them and I don’t want to foster it. Ada fosters enough conflict by stealing Azita’s toys as it is!
Azita is a sweet little soul, but she was in a mood today. Being out in nature all day helped, without a doubt, although she did take a stick –the kids were building forts– and spear it towards a little boy… getting just under his eye, above his cheek. About a half an inch away from his cheek.
She cried about as hard as he did, and Miss Cathy interpreted that to mean she was truly upset with herself, and I think she was right. I made a joke, “So Azita does have a conscious!” and Cathy said “Don’t say things like that!”
She is of course, correct. You have to continue to see the goodness and wonderful qualities in your kids to parent them well, and I’m having a tough time on days when Ada is so cute and Azita is so… not cute.
Thankfully her no-cuteness is surrounded by her purity and I’ve been feeling very well these days, so I’m not blowing up at her or anything… it’s more subtle than that. It’s my view of her changing. I have to keep that view positive.
There were a few other altercations, but also plenty of other highlights to the day, and rather then recounting to her dad in front of her what she did wrong, I should tell him everything she did right.