I can’t believe it’s been nearly a month since I’ve made a post. Every day there is something interesting, thought-provoking, or funny that I think about sharing with the world.
But what I actually make the time to post about seems to be few things these days. Since my last post we have had a Ridvan party, made homemade dairy/gluten/soy/corn free chocolates for the kids for Easter, visited the Botanical Garden here in Fayetteville, halfway put together a playhouse for the girls, been to Durham/Raleigh for Ada and her little celiac issues a few times, attended our first children’s virtues class and almost completed the garden for the summer.
But mostly, I think I have spent my time planning, phone calling, and running around for the LLL of Fayetteville’s Baby Fair. I think I could be an event planner after this.
In all this busy-ness, most days are fabulous, but a few I can be bummed out about certain things.
Anyone who knows me knows that this blog took a turn about 6 months after it started. My first posts had to do with kids and eco-friendly things and baby things, and then Ada’s colickly little babyhood began to force me to delve into the food allergic and intolerant world. Perhaps I’ve talked about it too much.
If I have, it’s only because I am a person that talks alot and I talk about things that reflect the reality of my life. Going gluten and dairy and soy and corn and everything else free over the course of two years too up a lot of time and thought and energy. Now we are only gluten and dairy free, which sounds all-encompassing but really isn’t that bad, and non-organic corn/soy free.
I have some great food posts coming too, for those that want to read them.
My outlook on life is to embrace it. That’s why I have embraced where my life has led me. I meet a lot of parents who say things like “Well, I’m not going to switch around our whole lives just for this,” in talking about their kids allergies or whatever. That’s fine and it’s there choice…. but I think that people think I’m judging them because I’ve made very different choices.
I guess I’m feeling a bit isolated, from adults, that is. There is one place we go almost weekly that tends to bring out parents that see things the way I do, and that can be nice. But lately, even though I haven’t brought up any food stuff, I’ve get the feeling I’m the crazy-food-allergy-health-nut lady. And I’ll take that title. But it seems that with that title there is the assumption that I’m judging or something. I’ve met some health ‘nuts’ that come off pretty condescending. But I’m not one of them.
I’m being a bit sensitive, it’s true. Things just add up to annoy you. As I was saying, I haven’t brought up food stuff *lately*, but at this recent play date, a comments were made that reminded me that some people simply see the kid with food intolerances or allergies as the one who is making life difficult for everyone else, and the mom as the over-protective uppity one.
I’m being overly sensitive because it makes me wonder about each and every little statement and makes me feel like people are talking about my kids when I’m not around. I know that’s taking it too far, but I can’t help it.
I guess what puzzles me to is that I didn’t even bring it up. A parent comes to me, asks a question, and then acts a tad defensive.
Then another comes, a hour later, asking if the berries my kids have are organic. I tell her yes. She tells me she used to work in the agriculture business and that the farmers she bought from wouldn’t eat their own berries b/c they were sprayed so often, and that I should defnitely get the organic ones. So then another parent chimes in and says that our kids are going to be exposed to stuff at school and every they go and that we should just do our best, and definitely seemed defensive.
And this is pretty normal pattern. Breastfeeding, vaccines, co-sleeping, natural birth, organic, healthy, food allergies, homeschooling or not— the list goes on and on. Certain topics make parents feel jumped on or defensive. One time Payman was talking about vaccines and another dad said “So you are saying I’m a bad parent, then?”
Payman made the guy feel better in the calm and un-judgemental way he responded.
But you just want to say to people, “Who was talking about you?”
Maybe I talk about food issues a lot. Maybe it’s not a topic some want to discuss. But I feel a little estranged at times in trying to find other parents to socialize with because of this stuff. Why can’t I talk about things in my life, without *you* taking it personally? I’m talking about *me*, not *you*!
Every where we go, food is involved. I mentioned at a playdate that Ada was a little sick after Easter, b/c it seems she can’t even be in the same house where people eat gluten, and this mom, who has known me since Azita was a baby, loooong before the food allergies with Ada, got up and left and didn’t say anything to me. It’s like I’m not allowed to discuss what makes mothering a challenge for me.
If Ada had broken her leg, or gotten a fever, or was born with a birth defect, I honest-to-goodness, believe these mom-friends of mine would stay and commisserate. But because it’s about food, I have no one to talk to. That’s how I feel at times.
Yesterday at a meeting I needed to be at, we had to be there at 10 and planned to leave at two. I have to get up, make a from-scratch lunch, get the kids ready, and still be prepared to dodge food bullets while I’m out and about. And that’s fine. I live by and love my choices because they have brought such health to this family— each one of us. But I also feel like no one gets it. No one understands at all. We just can’t run to a restaurant. We just can’t grab a convenience food.
I don’t like to have too many posts that rant on the challenges of being gluten/dairy free becuase I want to be encouraging. If someone is facing big diet changes, the take home message of this blog, and of our life, is that it’s totally wonderful and doable and liberating.
Maybe the take home message of *this* rant, is that it’s actually people, and our food-obssessed culture that make all of this stressful. It’s not the planning meals, the making homemade baked goods, tortillas, crackers and breads. It’s not thinking ahead or being caught hungry. It’s not cooking all the time. There are so many fast and easy foods that are perfectly healthy for us.
It’s the comments and the lack of thought and the lack of support that I feel from those that have every *else* in common with me: other mothers.
And as a side note, a few of you will probably read this that call ahead, buy brands of lollipops you’ve seen my give the kids, make sure to only have safe snacks around… and you all are amazing and I love you and you are the ones I should focus on.
I’m just stuck sometimes… do I stop talking about something that affects us so much so that I can feel like I “fit in” at playdates, like I need to be in the popular clique in high school? A few days ago, at the place that started my blue funk of a mood, I played with Ada. I spent the day with my kids, even though I was surrounded by other adults.